how could it be?

The imperfections as a woman are opportunity for me to grow.
If it weren't for our human failings, there would be no inner work for us to do on ourselves.
And it's this very interior work that reconnects us to our personal magnificence. To have more of what I desire in life, I must first become more of who I really am. As it said to become success, it's not really about doing more, it's about being more.

-'The Saint, The Surfer, and the CEO'

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For several times this week that i was absent-minded while i was driving and ended up getting lost.
My mind was drifted here and there. More of there than being here though.
I was in pain. Real pain.
There seems to be the hole in my chest that air could pass through.
It is hurt. Sometimes it was too much that i was thinking I didn't want to handle it anymore.
How could this be?
It is still feeling though, less but not all gone yet.

From the unappreciated behavior that I have encountered for the work that i was doing or aiming to do. Feel hurt. That is one.
From being treated as i was a criminal and not deserve to be there. Feel degraded. That is two.
From the fake reaction and pity on me in which I don't need. Feel sick. That is three.
From the unprofessional and brainless reaction to the people who i respect. Feel frustrated. That is four.
From the unanswerable ridiculous decision or action to the situation. Feel hollow. That is five.
From the lies, hypocrite and two-faces people. Feel angry and shameful. That is six. (sick)
From all mentioned above, feel sad, tear down, doubts occur, energy is really at low.

Everything happens for reason.
Even though thing with no rational at all.
I gave up in search of the answer.
I gave up looking for the reason.
I just hope that once I am strong enough to look and think back, i can laugh at it.

I will shine again, i know i will.
From here, i got to know my weakness.
For the first time that i am injured this bad and be this weak.
It caught me and many friends by surprise.
This is the lesson learnt big time for me.
Time to grow up for real here.
Getting smarter and wiser.
Not naive and stupid anymore.

Dearest Friends, thanks for all that believe in me and be there for me to shout, yell, cry and bitch to.
You are my dearest.
I know you are there for me.
Thank you for being just who you are and there for me.

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