a), b), c)....

a)
I know that everyone is different.
I know that everyone is unique.
I know that human is the social animal.
I know that i am human.
Somehow, i wonder do we all need to be social animal then?
I am being just myself.
Not human nore animal.
What am i then?

b)
I do believe that everyone does has the right to live their life.
That is also applying to me.
Lately, i am not that sure though.
The feeling of being eaten alive here.
The picture of the boa eats elephant from "Little Prince" just pops up into my head.
Not the boa i am.

c)
I am afraid.
I am now again on this bumpy road of uncertainty.
There is no excitement anymore.
There is still energy though what-so-ever.
Somehow i also wonder, where does it all come from?
Still doing what i do but keeps questioning why do i do it?
Keeps finding the reason and encourage people to believe, realize and pround of what they are doing and keeps wondering why is that to me?

Those are what in my head.
I can't shake them out.
Either i cannot or i don't want to.
Not knowing.
....

I wish

I am here.
Drifting after couple glasses of wine from the box.
Talking to people.
Discovering there is hope somewhere somehow.
Experienced that there are still good people.
They do know how to live the life.
They are living their lives.
I want to live their live.
Is that something you should reconsider and rethink, when whatever you see is the greener on the other side?
Envy. That is what i feel.
More envy and pity on my life.
I know i should not.
Anyhow, could not help it.
At one point, i do feel good that someway somehow there is still people, other human being, that do enjoy their life.
At another point, i wonder why could not i be?
Envy. There is the feeling. Envy.
Anyhow, i know that i can have that somewhere somehow.
If i want it, i know i will find the way.
The good concern to think here is that why am i not?
Why am i so certain of what i should do but not so certain of what will i do?
So indecisive!
Hate this feeling in the guts.
Anyhow, what kind of hold me on here is the spirit of people.
It is one of the driving factor to keep me rolling here.

I wish to be stronger.
I wish to be more effective.
I wish i do have the strength that i hang out with.
I wish i could.
I wish i do.
I wish..

------
Having a good time here over some alcohol.

;-D
Weaw J.