~StiLL aliVe !

Thanks dears for keeping me on this side of the reality.
One true thing (among many things) i do love about myself is the ability to turn the not-smiley face up again.
Around half of the day that i was confused and not really so jolly me. (even the person i know only 2 days can notice that)
But then i got back to myself on the later part.
It actually does feel good to hear saying of 'Good that you are back to yourself!'
Big smile on my face. Nice.
I do (as always) like being me.

--
With the very bright winter-like sky today, i have brought with me the super active and happy mood to work today.
it's all about that i say, 'Attitude' that you bring into whatever you are doing.
I have quite a super productive working day today.
Crossed out many tasks.
Still have more to cross out but will not be today. Not to be worried that much.
As my good friend said no one can really buy your 24 hour time but yourself.
I always tell people of how good does it feel when you are able to tick on the task box.
The honey taste of accomplishment.
I know that there are many things to be done still.
I know that i need to take rest.
I know that it's forbidden to bring work home.
I know that i should stop.
I know that i need to find balance in life.

To all above, it's not that I am not trying.
Trust me i am trying very best.
I also know that i have to try harder.
I am.


Stay alive!!
--
xxx

~HaTRed it'S hurT~

In our store of conscious, we know which seeds should be watered and which not.
One way to help water the seed is to choose what we do consume.
Much of hope that I will be able to keep this seed buried later on.

My oh my, what should I say here, I want to ask.
It’s for the very first time in my life to encounter such contrast or to hear such thing in real life.
From times, I (actually) learn and realize the word ‘racist’ and many ways to be done to no longer make it exist. Here today, right here where there should be the right understanding and so on, I have met and heard the words that I sure know will haunt me for sometimes from now.

At the setting of cozy bar at the resort lobby, the conversation starts as normal to get to know and talk on several topics. It is the first time in this training that I am sitting among the authorities without their uniform and title on. The issue of the differences in our occupation starts. Go around and around of question of each party’s works fills in the air. The content gets more add in emotion as the alcohol washed through each. (FYI: not me)
Then, the sharing experiences, anger, questions, misunderstanding, curses, disagreement, attitude and many on seems to flow in uncontrollably. (On top of that, before we were talking on the religious and thing was fine)
Then for the first time ever in my life comes
‘Those people do not deserve to even live in this land’
‘IT don’t deserve to be treated as a person when IT is not Thais’
‘Who do they think they are?? What on earth give them the right to live as same as my people!!’
‘Can you imagine having IT’s children study equally with yours?’ ‘Can’t! They don’t deserve that’
‘They don’t deserve to be treated as human as they are not same as us’
….
It’s hard.
It hurt.
So much hatred.
I am here typing this with tears down my cheek.
So much hatred. I can’t believe that I hear such thing with my own ear.
As much I try to stay in the bright side.
As much I try to water the seeds in me.
Too much hatred. Too much that it’s hurt.
....

I do need love here.
I need to feel the warmth.
It seems too hard.
Give me more strength.
Love me please.

---
xxx

ScReaMiNg in ... out... in ....out

Gosh!! Breath in Breath in … in…. in……… phewwwww …… out

What a roller coaster I am in here again, so much tired here.
With the feeling of so many things on my head at the moment (regards work)
I am at the 5-days training at the finest resort in Kanchanaburi.
The content is great. Very much needed for the work that I am taking up to.
Still, too many works to finish and only can do after the training and after finish the assignment (aka. Homework of the day)
The resort is fabulously amazing. (I was here 5 years ago. Good memories flash back)
Still, forgetful me with no swimming suit.
I went for the 3 days of PlumV meditation retreat.
Really good to at least have the rest and be among the super positive thinking people.
Still, I have to be the staff for the children. Really challenging and be able to put the mindfulness into real practice.
More of still, I have lost my phone.

So … mix the feeling with the tiredness. I don’t feel like my head or my brain can rest.
Wonder of what affect will happen regards this then.
Can’t think too much.
Still laugh and enjoy pretty much.
Can’t talk on the phone too much as no contact number.
Still, able to talk with everyone and be able to put smile to the stranger once a day.
Can’t cut down the fish that much as it is not that friendly and yummy vegetarian food as in the retreat.
Still, be able to enjoy and think of the source of the food.

The head and brain are running in the high speed that I don’t’ seem to find rest at my company.
Still, enjoy and love doing these with the following on my breath in and out each time.

And the tune goes… “both Heaven and Hell, I know equally well. Just where I want to be..”


Love Love,
xxx

~siNgiNg S.O.S.!

Peer Pressured here.
HELP HELP HELP!!

Such a good news to know that one of my dear friend is getting married this month.
Congratulations!! Tanya.
And just now found out that another friend already got a baby girl for him. Sweet!
Good job, JM!!

;-D

I was talking with the new friend of mine that on the topic of searching of my other part.
Well, one of the question that pop up right away is 'Can one person be complete by oneself?'
If the feeling of finding the other part is that you will feel happy (or happier), i am now.
If the feeling of wanting to be cuddled and to cuddle, well it would be a lie if i say that i don't long for one.
Lucky for me to have Gut, then.
If it's the reason to put smile on your face each day at anytime, well i am kind of having that since forever.
So, if those things are true. Would it be weird that the search might no longer there for me?
ummm...
thinking ...
thinking.......
more thinking........

nah, as i do love the challenge, i guess the search is still there no matter what.
Just putting on different role and the sequence of time.
So back to the beginning, HELP HELP!! Peer Pressured!!!

haha..
Please spread out the news!! ;-D

--
xxx

~sWeeT hoNeY bEE~

The taste of accomplishment is just too sweet.
If chocolate is the taste of devil, i guess the accomplishment is the taste of heaven as sweet as honey then.

--
Dedicate to my one month at work, this is what i do.
My position is Operation Support Officer- Anti-trafficking and Advocacy.
The work is at World Vision Foundation Thailand.
As special I am, the department that i am working in is Special department. It is so special that it's not been on the website (yet).
I'm overall looking the 5 projects on hands.
There are 5 teammates i have. (including my boss)
3- TH, 1 Aussie, 1 Myanmar.
The area of work is at the border around the neighboring countries with TH.
Let's leave some for next to come then.

As my love dear told me once, 'when one door is closed, one is open.'
I am happy (busily happy) for the work i have been loaded.
I do enjoy the tiring feeling after work.
I cherish the early time going to work and oozing the evening time back home.
It's as said that we tend to appreciate the thing that we little have or rare to get.
Ironically but true.
With the new area of work and concept, i'm still trying to fill my glass and shaking it energetically from time to time.

The attitude you bring in at work defines your achievement.
Questions of the week are:
"What is love to you?"
"What is happiness or secret to live day mindfully?'
To both of my answer is the sunshine.
I am running on solar power and nature around me.
Fully charged in the morning.
Recharge and save again during lunch. (yes again, we are in rainy season but the bright UV still can get right thru your skin)
Then to use the saving for my evening time.
Resting the motor at night with the feeling of achieving something of the day.
Life is treating me well so far...

and from my Sept planner, it'll be the challenging ones.

Thanks to all friends from a far.
No need to be worried of the situation in my dear land of smile.
There are still smile on the faces here. (less but still there)

--
xxx