Mee Kwam Suk~

If you happy and you know you clap your hands... Yippy!

I am Happy. Very HAPPY actually.
Admitted as i am, i used to be quite afraid of the feeling of too much happiness though. (still a bit afraid, a bit)
Somehow, it always occurs to me that when i am so happy, it'll follow with some pretty sadness.
Anyhow, after i came back from the meditation retreat with Plum Village last week.
The feeling has decreased.
During the dharma discussion on Q & A session, Lung Pi has a chance to answer to the question of
'What shall we do in order not to get carried away or obsess with Happiness or Suffering?'
The answer is simple as it is, the answer is 'Uncertainty' (Ar-Nit-Jung)
Whatever comes, goes. Nothing stays.
So rather than being worried and afraid of getting into too much of Happiness, we rather enjoy and be mindful of the present.
That is pretty nice and simple though.

So, here I am.
Wake up in the morning with smile on my face even before i lift up my feet.
Check my smile again after brushing my teeth.
Give smiles to people in the morning on the way to the market.
Sometime put up to the sky in the hope of sending it to my dear friends across the world but under the same sky.
I am happy.
I know that i am happy.
I am trying my best to be aware of uncertainty.
I live in the moment.
I try my best to live and enjoy in that.
Ha ha and i am trying my best not to be carried away by it.

Here we go again, together people.
'If you happy and you know you clap your hands.. clap clap.
If you happy and you know you clap your hands.. clap clap,
If you happy and you know then your face will surely show.
If you happy and you know you clap your hands."

Enjoys and Live up the moment.
--
xox

~i Feel GOOD!

Life is treating me pretty well here.
Not really sure of this feeling that keeps run here and there for me.
Not so sure that this is actually happening.
The sense of cherish in everything.
Every moments, everything that i am doing.
The walk, the talk, the eat, the sit, the run, the laugh, the thing, the sleep, everything i seem to happy and enjoy doing it.
The very bright color starts to coming (running) back to me.
I just keep on painting the day in my head. It even spreads out like the cartoon graphic in the cover of Mika's album. ;-D
Thanks to Jay as i think it is the effect from the workshop that i have joined last Sunday.
I do still question myself each day though, am i too happy and too joyful as being jobless girl here?
I really wonder. In that i think it is a good thing though. It proves that I do still think of the way to earn a living here.
Another thing for sure for the saying of 'One closed door leads to many opened ones.'
Opportunities and possibilities seem to be endless here.
Right back at me likes Jack that pop-up from the box, 'Everything can be DONE!' ;-D
Prioritize and Time management (pretty good one) I need to put myself into.

As a jobless girl, i have done...
- Sent one proposal for 1 year project to AUSAID.
- Create a group for being place to push my passion and knowledge forward. (stay tune for more)
- Participated in 5 days seminar on Women & Youth for Nation Building at TU. (joined for 2 days)
- Meetings with Board committees of Social Administration Foundation.
- Participated in NGO Connection Day with Microsoft Thailand.
- Translated 1 report doc.
- AIESEC Meetings in the role of alumni. (more than 5 times)
- AIESEC Meeting as Mentor.
- Participated in Art Therapy: Healing body and Mind through art. (Realize i do can draw abstract!)
- Walked throughout the 'Power of Youth, Power for society' in 5 malls. (Thrill to run into the Thaptawan youth group)
- 3 meetings on potential businesses in the future.
- Nagging my debtors. SHOW ME MY $$!!
- Re-connect myself with Plum Village, 2 times meetings.
- Went to Disney Fairy tales exhibition & OTOP BKK exhibition & BIG & BIH Exhibition.
- Cook for family and friends (4 times)
- Went to the family's business' Wedding function
- Many meals with international friends
- Coffee talks with good friends and junior friends.
- Revisit my favorite coffee shops, Exploring and discovering many new ones.
- Chat, Phone, Email my good friends around the globe.
- Laugh, Run, Giggle, Jump, Dance with Gut & Gam.

Many more here to list out!!
Feeling good here.
I do really feel good and much alive here!

Love u & Love me, Love myself.
--
xox

Checked OUT!

"Life is a growth school. Every person and every experience come to us to teach us the lesson we most need to learn at that particular point of our journey."

Ok, I guess it's about time to update on my life here.
I have quit my work at World Vision Thailand. (Aug 08 - Sept 09)
1 year and 1 month. I have made it.
I have to say it ends nasty. Painfully hurt though. So took sometimes off and reflect on what have i got from this.
Tried my best not to be much into philosophy as some told me, so not to think too much. At some points, stop to figure out the reason why it happened. Stop trying to convince myself that there is some reason. Stop thinking that i have done something wrong. Stop bothering myself to think over and over of how's it like now, how's work, how messy, how crappy. Stop and be with myself. To realize and know my true feeling....
It takes quite sometimes. Longer than i thought. Longer than anyone can imagine. But it actually passed.
From what i have read, to learn from experiences, either we are awaken to this act of nature, or we can turn a blind eye to it and, in doing so, keep repeating the mistakes of the past until the pain becomes so great that we have no choice but to change.
I was giving up believing in ability to change. (honestly speaking)
I was having doubt and stop looking for answer.
But it all passed.
I know it's quite a ride and the thrill of on the ride will stay forever.
Saying here ..
Let's bygone be bygone.
I got MAD and now I got OVER it!

So, this is me.
Checked out!
and
here getting back IN!

Stay tune.
My energy is building up.
I am seeing changes ahead.
Feel good to getting back the control.

--
Love ya,
xox

how could it be?

The imperfections as a woman are opportunity for me to grow.
If it weren't for our human failings, there would be no inner work for us to do on ourselves.
And it's this very interior work that reconnects us to our personal magnificence. To have more of what I desire in life, I must first become more of who I really am. As it said to become success, it's not really about doing more, it's about being more.

-'The Saint, The Surfer, and the CEO'

----
For several times this week that i was absent-minded while i was driving and ended up getting lost.
My mind was drifted here and there. More of there than being here though.
I was in pain. Real pain.
There seems to be the hole in my chest that air could pass through.
It is hurt. Sometimes it was too much that i was thinking I didn't want to handle it anymore.
How could this be?
It is still feeling though, less but not all gone yet.

From the unappreciated behavior that I have encountered for the work that i was doing or aiming to do. Feel hurt. That is one.
From being treated as i was a criminal and not deserve to be there. Feel degraded. That is two.
From the fake reaction and pity on me in which I don't need. Feel sick. That is three.
From the unprofessional and brainless reaction to the people who i respect. Feel frustrated. That is four.
From the unanswerable ridiculous decision or action to the situation. Feel hollow. That is five.
From the lies, hypocrite and two-faces people. Feel angry and shameful. That is six. (sick)
From all mentioned above, feel sad, tear down, doubts occur, energy is really at low.

Everything happens for reason.
Even though thing with no rational at all.
I gave up in search of the answer.
I gave up looking for the reason.
I just hope that once I am strong enough to look and think back, i can laugh at it.

I will shine again, i know i will.
From here, i got to know my weakness.
For the first time that i am injured this bad and be this weak.
It caught me and many friends by surprise.
This is the lesson learnt big time for me.
Time to grow up for real here.
Getting smarter and wiser.
Not naive and stupid anymore.

Dearest Friends, thanks for all that believe in me and be there for me to shout, yell, cry and bitch to.
You are my dearest.
I know you are there for me.
Thank you for being just who you are and there for me.

---

Taking Back Control!

Just the few steps and then you will be cross to another side.
For all the time that your life is surrounded by the bridges but you never, not ever single once, to cross over.
Why is that?
Have you ever wanna be able to feel the ability to grab the world?
You know of all your life that the world is just in your arms.
With the millions of your dream to fulfill.
Everything seems to be clear.
There is nothing to be fear.
Just need to catch the world with your full stretch out at the length of arms.
Just that.
The endless possibilities of being who you are and the world you want to be in with the people you want to surround.
It seems like i am at high here.
The feeling of screaming out 'Yes!'
I am gaining that back here.
I am back in control of my life.
Whatever the decision it is, there is no regret.

This one is to you John.
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time;
It is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."
-Sydney J. Harris.

Loves,
--
xox

~In de MomEnt...

“Every gathering has its moment”

Lately I am blessed with the opportunities to meet up with friends.

* 1 coffeetalk with friends at Train station.
* 1 shisha smoking at the Eypt resto in Nana.
* 1 (or 2) drinks at the roof top bar with good-old friend.
* 3 weekends in the row with my MC team including traveled together for the first time abroad to Malaysia.
* 1 weekend with my best friend's wedding!
* 1 weekend with international friends in Malaysia.
* 1 Sat with AIESEC members, Advisor & alumni.
* 1 Sun with my high school friends.
* 1 dinner with the long time have not met friend in Cambodia.
* Several chats & skype with the far-away friends.

Life is pretty much fruitful at the moment.
Happiness, smile and love are floating and hanging in the air.
Too much and I afraid of what will happen next?
Can someone be too much happy?
Am I actually be this much happy?

Love & Hugs around.
--
Weaw J.

a), b), c)....

a)
I know that everyone is different.
I know that everyone is unique.
I know that human is the social animal.
I know that i am human.
Somehow, i wonder do we all need to be social animal then?
I am being just myself.
Not human nore animal.
What am i then?

b)
I do believe that everyone does has the right to live their life.
That is also applying to me.
Lately, i am not that sure though.
The feeling of being eaten alive here.
The picture of the boa eats elephant from "Little Prince" just pops up into my head.
Not the boa i am.

c)
I am afraid.
I am now again on this bumpy road of uncertainty.
There is no excitement anymore.
There is still energy though what-so-ever.
Somehow i also wonder, where does it all come from?
Still doing what i do but keeps questioning why do i do it?
Keeps finding the reason and encourage people to believe, realize and pround of what they are doing and keeps wondering why is that to me?

Those are what in my head.
I can't shake them out.
Either i cannot or i don't want to.
Not knowing.
....