~LonGiNg for iT~

I was in the meeting on Sunday.
Surrounded with the familiar faces.
Listened to the things that i know well, good and not so good.
Said what i thought it might make things better, get appreciated.
Heard the suggestion and willingness to support with smile and sincere.
I felt good.

I was in the meeting on Monday.
Surrounded with the familiar faces. (different)
Listened to the things that i get to know better now, good and bad.
Heard too many excuses, blaming, defensing, scolding, being sarcasm, pin pointing...
Guilty faces, pushing things away, irresponsible, unfinished tasks, overloaded things.
Said what i thought it might make things differently for the hope of it might be better, get ignored, no attention, not listened.
I felt sad.

I was in 3 meetings today.
Surrounded with the unfamiliar faces. (blank)
Listened to the things that i thought i knew but i don't (blank)
Heard so many thought and ideas (blank)
I felt... (blank)

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Quite many people here and there said i am (now) sound like grown-up, being mature.
I wonder... if by
Accepting things as it is.
Getting used to the fact that i can't do everything and can't change things.
Admitting the reality and live in the real life.
Surrendering to the truth of 'That's life, you can't do anything about it'
Letting things go easily without trying my very best.
Then, i asked myself ...
do i want to be like that?
or
am i already that?

*sigh...

I miss it.
I miss the feeling of it.
Something that i used to have and now i am longing for it terribly.

The feeling of enjoy what i am doing.
The feeling of surrounding of the people who have the drive and the passion to shake the world.
The feeling of being in the team.
The feeling of having a team.
The feeling of the TEAM.
The positive feeling.
I long for it.
I miss it.
I miss it so bad.

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