~For the chance never comes~

My feeling now is filled with grief and anger.
I have lost the opportunity to learn and meet with one of the great man.
The one that i wish to be able to talk, share, ask, impress and be impressed by.

He who now lost forever.
He who chose to take his own life.
He who never let me any chance to know him.
I know not what should i feel.
I know not exactly what should i do.
It's all blank...
White....
Too bright that does not allow your eyes to see nor does your heart.
Too bright that makes the tear rolls down.

I know not what to do.
For he who was my responsibility is now gone.
For he who could clear all the doubt that i have in mind.
For he who got me excited of meeting and plan of impressing him.
For he who would be one of the best mentor i long for.
For he who now gone forever.

That's the grief, here is the anger.

One of dear friend said that it always good to know what is your emotion is at.
It is in me now the anger seed.
The one that i try not to spread out. Still needs to control it.
I could not believe!!
Could not at all what i have heard from the leader of my org.
For the saying that i feel cut by knife is better.
I wonder how can someone be so inconsiderate sitting in the chair of leader of charity org and said such horrible thing.
No one has the right to anyone like that !
It's just furious!!
The anger is still here. At least i know.
The grief is still here. For sure i know.

Anyhow, be with you God. Protect him well.
K. Jonathan, for the man that i admire and respect.
You are now where you chose to be.


With all my respect.
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