~HaTRed it'S hurT~

In our store of conscious, we know which seeds should be watered and which not.
One way to help water the seed is to choose what we do consume.
Much of hope that I will be able to keep this seed buried later on.

My oh my, what should I say here, I want to ask.
It’s for the very first time in my life to encounter such contrast or to hear such thing in real life.
From times, I (actually) learn and realize the word ‘racist’ and many ways to be done to no longer make it exist. Here today, right here where there should be the right understanding and so on, I have met and heard the words that I sure know will haunt me for sometimes from now.

At the setting of cozy bar at the resort lobby, the conversation starts as normal to get to know and talk on several topics. It is the first time in this training that I am sitting among the authorities without their uniform and title on. The issue of the differences in our occupation starts. Go around and around of question of each party’s works fills in the air. The content gets more add in emotion as the alcohol washed through each. (FYI: not me)
Then, the sharing experiences, anger, questions, misunderstanding, curses, disagreement, attitude and many on seems to flow in uncontrollably. (On top of that, before we were talking on the religious and thing was fine)
Then for the first time ever in my life comes
‘Those people do not deserve to even live in this land’
‘IT don’t deserve to be treated as a person when IT is not Thais’
‘Who do they think they are?? What on earth give them the right to live as same as my people!!’
‘Can you imagine having IT’s children study equally with yours?’ ‘Can’t! They don’t deserve that’
‘They don’t deserve to be treated as human as they are not same as us’
….
It’s hard.
It hurt.
So much hatred.
I am here typing this with tears down my cheek.
So much hatred. I can’t believe that I hear such thing with my own ear.
As much I try to stay in the bright side.
As much I try to water the seeds in me.
Too much hatred. Too much that it’s hurt.
....

I do need love here.
I need to feel the warmth.
It seems too hard.
Give me more strength.
Love me please.

---
xxx