Stop to No-stop~

Delegate 1: "What & When will be the reason that you stop volunteering?"
Weaw: ".....umm..."
Delegate 2: "Your family?"
Weaw: "No, they know that they can't stop me"
Delegate 3: "Your future family?"
Weaw: "H*ll NO, they better KNOW that they absolutely CANNOT stop me!!"
Delegate 4: "May be when you are in the hospital?"
Weaw: "Well, i managed to volunteer while i was in the hospital once ;-)"
Delegate 5-10: "ummm......"(this alumni is really crazy one....)

The answer that really run around my head is that ''til the day i die, i guess'
Of coz trying my best as always not to be that cheesy this is how it goes...
Weaw: "Well, once you know what your passion is and you are lucky enough to live it. To able to enjoy and embrace it. You will never stop. You will grab and hold on so tight as it is a part of your body and you can't live without. The taste is just too sweet and too good you won't stop eating it ;-)"
Delegate 1-10: 'ah.....' (on my very own assumption it is a good ah...;-)

Continue from that afternoon into the evening...
Weaw: 'So, what can i do if s/he is not calling for help?'
Dear friend: 'Then, dont' bother as s/he might try to figure things out by themselves'
Weaw: 'But i know that s/he needs help. I know that i can help'
Dear friend: 'Weaw weaw weaw, you are doing this again.'
Weaw: 'hah?'
Dear friend: 'This is what you always do. Trying to get yourself to help others despite the fact that s/he might want to try to do by themselves'
Weaw: 'But what if they dont' know that they need help'
Dear friend: 'Then they DON'T need YOUR help. Why can't you just get that? hah? By thinking like what you are now just keep you suffering yourself more and more. Why do you still keep doing this to yourself?
Weaw: '......'
Dear friend: 'You need to know dear that what is the reason you keep doing this. What does it that drive or urge you to do this? Once you know then you will be able to stop the suffering and keep enjoy your true passion.
Weaw: 'i guess so.'

So what i get from that is 'Don't trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.'

Thanks Jay for always there for me.
Love you more and more
*mwah.

~Start off Fresh~

Ginger coffee on my right hand, sitting chilling in my new home (Baan Weaw) for 2 weeks now.
Strange feeling might surprise you in somehow if I say that it does feel weird a bit though.
For those who know me, freedom is what always long for. Here i am, get it all over me.
Strange feeling. I thought i would be jump up and down, bouncing on my new bed with joy and the pleasure.
Close my eyes to enjoy the sweet taste of it.
Not really though. Absolutely not for the 1st week.
Now it's getting in, i guess. As i am here sitting sipping coffee writing this.
Guess it's so true that better get yourself ready for whatever you wish for ;-)

Okay, Jan is passing by so quick that i feel the urge to grab every second of it.
Start of the year with 5-days self discovering training 'Who am I?'
With no expectation, always caught me by surprise every times.
Crystal clear on who I am as always, i found the reasons in which helps me to pursue on what i believe and passionate about.
Able to clear my head and decide to do what important for me at the moment.
Pretty good though.
Good rest after the crazy new year parties.

Thanks to P'pui & P'Pat for that.
Thanks to N' Fon, P'Note and N' Oom for that.

It's good time and finally can just sit down to write this out. ;-)
---
xox

~Quick glance back 09~

A glance of memory in 2009~ (inspired by Mr. Jarod Lee)
It is actually a bit scary to look back on what i have posted in 2009.
Somehow reading it here, i can't help but wonder 'is that me?'
So here it goes...

Jan:
- Countdown with the extreme breath-taking firework in front of my eyes.
- To M'sia for TC's wedding
- GMS meeting in BKK

Feb:
- Trainings & Traveling in Thailand: Sangklaburi (border to Myanmar) visited the lost city in the river.
- Training of Child Protection.

Mar:
- Back to Sangklaburi
- Crazy van drive: Mukdahan (TH) & Sawannakhet (Laos) & Aranyaprathet (TH) & Poi Pet (CAM) & Phnom Phen (CAM) & Battambong (CAM)
- Met AIESEC Cambodia
- Yeelui & Jarod & Jarod's dad visited BKK

Apr:
- Back to Sangklaburi for 1st training
- China visit: KunMing
- No birthday on my last 20th Bday (boo hoo)
- Travel for training in Siem Reap (CAM)
- 1st visit famous Angkor Wat (love it!)

May:
- Singapore Trip with Daddy, Sis, her husband & Gut
- Cross border in MaeSai (TH), Tachilek (Maynmar), Mae Sot (TH)

June:
- Visit Ranong (TH), Kaw Thong (Myanmar) Fishery industries
- Walk through the experience of child prostitutes (cried, confused, sad)
- Visit Ranong (again) Youth camp

July:
- Retreat in Cha-Um
- Visit Phuket (Child Safe training)
- Visit Siaji in Phuket
- Visit Ranong (again)
- Longest ever van ride from Ranong - Aranyaprathet (TH)
- My sister told me she's pregnant ;-)
- Cut my hair pretty SHORT!

Aug:
- YL & Jarod's wedding in M'sia
- Meeting in Siem Reap (CAM)
- Meeting in Mukdahan (traveled by train, love it)
- Faced the ugly truth of how ppl can look down on another human being. (1st time being angry that i cried my heart out)
- Rob's visit. Short and Sweet.

Oct:
- My very first resignation letter
- Being treated the way i never thought i would be. Being so low and depress (1st and pls be my last time)
- Back to Volunteer with Plum Village

Nov:
- Assist in UNDP's consultancy work
- Baan Weaw is finally finished
- Self-development and Networking meetings
- Decided to go for master degree
- Plum Village retreat

Dec:
- Crazily shopping for Baan Weaw and myself.
- Travel to see the sea of Fog in Chiang Khan
- Friends visited, chilled, fun, appreciated.
- Prepare for the life in 2010. ;-)

*****************************
Extreme girl as i am.
Looking back to 2009, i have encountered the worst and then the best.
Appreciate life more i know.
Value life more i do.
Friendships are undoubtedly needed and cherish.
Family is my very main focus.
Thank you 2009 for giving me such a fruitful year.

xox

With too much time~

Lately i seem to have all the time in the world for myself.
I am fortunate enough to say that this is not the first time that i am in this moment.
Fortunate to be able to cherish this moment that many are long for.
Still, as many that know me will say 'You should not spend time too long with Weaw.'
or 'You should not let Weaw spends too long time with herself!'
haha so here it goes...

It is too hard to avoid the comparison when I see many of my friends accomplish in life.
Getting married, having secure job and future, knowing what aims in their life.
It is always greener on the other sides , i know that.
It is also green here, i know that too.
I can do whatever i want. But the question is what is it actually that I want?
One of my dearest told me (the way that i've never been told by her before)
'Weaw, do you know what is your focus? You seem to be able to grab just anything but nothing at the end'
I don't know that is good or not good though.
With the concept or believe that i can do just anything has made me actually do nothing.
Or not to be too hard on myself here, let says i have difficulties in actually start doing something.
I can have relationship anytime only if i want. (or am i fooling myself on this? I can have it, right? haha)
I can get set, ready and go on my future (or at least really start to plan for it)
I can just stick with what i can do best and deceive myself that is what i want to do.
My old favorite quote just floats up here 'BELIEVE IT ALL CAN BE DONE!'
haha back in the time where there is no limit on my energy level. (Not saying that there is now though)

As the way it is, things always have two sides.
One, i have the time to think and figure out what is really for me or what is the actually the aim in my life.
Things that actually get me all excited, raise up adrenalin and tickling my body.
Another side is the same feeling and thought that always in me, family.
I cannot deny that there are so many opportunities out there that are awaited for me.
However, there is the essential that stays here.

What do you normally do when you are standing at the spot of the intersection?
I did turn once 4 years ago. Never regret it.
Now the question is will i choose the same road again?

And i know it is still ...
"IT ALL CAN BE DONE!"

----
xox

Good Breeze ~

Cool breeze brings in the good mood here~
I remember, i was once answered that I would love to learn how to share and spread love and happiness around.
As i feel i have so much love and energy to share.
The proof is that lately so many questions been asked 'Are you drunk already? But we have not started yet!'
Being jolly i am nowadays creates the doubts to many people.
Normal Normal my dear, i have to say.
It does feel good though to know that many friends have noticed how high on happiness i am via my facebook status. (haha)
The feeling is just good.
As i have finished the work that i never have tried before and amazed to myself the way i handled it. Challenging but managed.
Amazed myself of how i can control my excitement when met up with my old colleagues, expected and unexpectedly.
I was really in doubt and a bit hesitate though. But i guess it's true with the saying of 'Time heals.'

Each day that goes by, i sense that not only the good mood the breeze brings but also the slow motion here as well.
Taking things slowly.
Enjoy and appreciate it.
Listen deeply.
Speak (still) fast but trying to make some senses of it. ;-D

Try these,
Look up on the blue sky and sending your miss to someone out there.
By doing that, i feel fresh.
Not expect anything and Let things go by like scenes in the movie.
By doing that, i get surprise.
Try not to understand many but oneself,
By doing that, i am slowing down.
Hum your favorite song along with your steps on the road,
By doing that, i have fun.
Give yourself a good smile, sincerely or even funny one to yourself.
By doing that, i feel sexy.

Breathing in the fresh cool breeze fills up in the lung.
Breathing out with the big bright smile on your face.

Feeling good here.
Real good here.
--
xox

"Borrowed from Air's album"

Mee Kwam Suk~

If you happy and you know you clap your hands... Yippy!

I am Happy. Very HAPPY actually.
Admitted as i am, i used to be quite afraid of the feeling of too much happiness though. (still a bit afraid, a bit)
Somehow, it always occurs to me that when i am so happy, it'll follow with some pretty sadness.
Anyhow, after i came back from the meditation retreat with Plum Village last week.
The feeling has decreased.
During the dharma discussion on Q & A session, Lung Pi has a chance to answer to the question of
'What shall we do in order not to get carried away or obsess with Happiness or Suffering?'
The answer is simple as it is, the answer is 'Uncertainty' (Ar-Nit-Jung)
Whatever comes, goes. Nothing stays.
So rather than being worried and afraid of getting into too much of Happiness, we rather enjoy and be mindful of the present.
That is pretty nice and simple though.

So, here I am.
Wake up in the morning with smile on my face even before i lift up my feet.
Check my smile again after brushing my teeth.
Give smiles to people in the morning on the way to the market.
Sometime put up to the sky in the hope of sending it to my dear friends across the world but under the same sky.
I am happy.
I know that i am happy.
I am trying my best to be aware of uncertainty.
I live in the moment.
I try my best to live and enjoy in that.
Ha ha and i am trying my best not to be carried away by it.

Here we go again, together people.
'If you happy and you know you clap your hands.. clap clap.
If you happy and you know you clap your hands.. clap clap,
If you happy and you know then your face will surely show.
If you happy and you know you clap your hands."

Enjoys and Live up the moment.
--
xox

~i Feel GOOD!

Life is treating me pretty well here.
Not really sure of this feeling that keeps run here and there for me.
Not so sure that this is actually happening.
The sense of cherish in everything.
Every moments, everything that i am doing.
The walk, the talk, the eat, the sit, the run, the laugh, the thing, the sleep, everything i seem to happy and enjoy doing it.
The very bright color starts to coming (running) back to me.
I just keep on painting the day in my head. It even spreads out like the cartoon graphic in the cover of Mika's album. ;-D
Thanks to Jay as i think it is the effect from the workshop that i have joined last Sunday.
I do still question myself each day though, am i too happy and too joyful as being jobless girl here?
I really wonder. In that i think it is a good thing though. It proves that I do still think of the way to earn a living here.
Another thing for sure for the saying of 'One closed door leads to many opened ones.'
Opportunities and possibilities seem to be endless here.
Right back at me likes Jack that pop-up from the box, 'Everything can be DONE!' ;-D
Prioritize and Time management (pretty good one) I need to put myself into.

As a jobless girl, i have done...
- Sent one proposal for 1 year project to AUSAID.
- Create a group for being place to push my passion and knowledge forward. (stay tune for more)
- Participated in 5 days seminar on Women & Youth for Nation Building at TU. (joined for 2 days)
- Meetings with Board committees of Social Administration Foundation.
- Participated in NGO Connection Day with Microsoft Thailand.
- Translated 1 report doc.
- AIESEC Meetings in the role of alumni. (more than 5 times)
- AIESEC Meeting as Mentor.
- Participated in Art Therapy: Healing body and Mind through art. (Realize i do can draw abstract!)
- Walked throughout the 'Power of Youth, Power for society' in 5 malls. (Thrill to run into the Thaptawan youth group)
- 3 meetings on potential businesses in the future.
- Nagging my debtors. SHOW ME MY $$!!
- Re-connect myself with Plum Village, 2 times meetings.
- Went to Disney Fairy tales exhibition & OTOP BKK exhibition & BIG & BIH Exhibition.
- Cook for family and friends (4 times)
- Went to the family's business' Wedding function
- Many meals with international friends
- Coffee talks with good friends and junior friends.
- Revisit my favorite coffee shops, Exploring and discovering many new ones.
- Chat, Phone, Email my good friends around the globe.
- Laugh, Run, Giggle, Jump, Dance with Gut & Gam.

Many more here to list out!!
Feeling good here.
I do really feel good and much alive here!

Love u & Love me, Love myself.
--
xox

Checked OUT!

"Life is a growth school. Every person and every experience come to us to teach us the lesson we most need to learn at that particular point of our journey."

Ok, I guess it's about time to update on my life here.
I have quit my work at World Vision Thailand. (Aug 08 - Sept 09)
1 year and 1 month. I have made it.
I have to say it ends nasty. Painfully hurt though. So took sometimes off and reflect on what have i got from this.
Tried my best not to be much into philosophy as some told me, so not to think too much. At some points, stop to figure out the reason why it happened. Stop trying to convince myself that there is some reason. Stop thinking that i have done something wrong. Stop bothering myself to think over and over of how's it like now, how's work, how messy, how crappy. Stop and be with myself. To realize and know my true feeling....
It takes quite sometimes. Longer than i thought. Longer than anyone can imagine. But it actually passed.
From what i have read, to learn from experiences, either we are awaken to this act of nature, or we can turn a blind eye to it and, in doing so, keep repeating the mistakes of the past until the pain becomes so great that we have no choice but to change.
I was giving up believing in ability to change. (honestly speaking)
I was having doubt and stop looking for answer.
But it all passed.
I know it's quite a ride and the thrill of on the ride will stay forever.
Saying here ..
Let's bygone be bygone.
I got MAD and now I got OVER it!

So, this is me.
Checked out!
and
here getting back IN!

Stay tune.
My energy is building up.
I am seeing changes ahead.
Feel good to getting back the control.

--
Love ya,
xox